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Letter From a Former Cult Member

Hi Professor D -

Thank you so much for your response…!

You've really hit the nail on the head with your response, and I'd like you to know that. No sir, my cult experience wasn't in JW, but in what I only know to refer to as a CULT cult, like you see in the movies.

When you were talking about iChing last night, I as getting a terribly bad case of goose bumps, because that's kind of how my experience started—being curious about Native American totemism, Shamanism, and Chinese beliefs. My curiosity lead me to many places, including a book store I started frequenting during my lunch hours, that had so many books, my mind was thrilled…! The lady who owned the store befriended me, started inviting me to come back to the store and look at books with her, ultimately leading to an invitation to her house where she was hosting a "private class" on "energy".

That day lead to exposure of many, many different people who "love bombed" me, as you say in your site. Energy classes turned into channeling energy…that turned into meditation and communicating "with the universe…that turned into "Nature Worship", then "Paganism", then I started finding myself in "Magickal Circles" and rituals. The story goes on and on from there, as I'm sure you've probably heard many times before. I'm not sure when "Nature Worship" took the turn to witchcraft, but that's where it lead and although I am benign of mind and spirit, that isn't the case with people I became absorbed by. And when I found myself—10 years later—fighting to break away from all of that, my life was threatened and my soul was "banished." I was labeled a "vow breaker", and you can believe that I installed an alarm system in my house, my care and even talked to security at my work as related to a stalking issue. It's true, you know. This stuff really happens and can be deadly serious. And these folks are everywhere, in all occupations.

I don't know yet where in your classs cults liek this may come up, and if it does, I may not participate in the discussion because I don't want to expose myself in that manner. I was so very lost. Everything you said last night was me…a lost child, a loner, susceptible to the world around me, trying to live in my own will and becoming a mad soul in the process. Even though I finally broke away from all those people (from here all the way to Canada) over six years ago, sometimes it still feels like a shadow, right behind me. I saw myself again in your site under "Salvation" only as the jailer who was about to take his life after the earthquake when he thought the prisoners had gone. Taht was me 3 years ago, when I intentionally overdosed because I couldn't take the echoing in my bones anymore. Obviously, I was unsuccessful. But after I was released from the ER and taken to the psychiatric ICU ward—where I was unconscious for three days—I had a vision, a God experience, or maybe it was just my soul hanging in the balance between life and death still, or the affect of the drugs still absorbing in my brain, or maybe, you know, it really was God. I still have my journal where I wrote about it after I regained consciousness and realizing that the locked door wasn't hell, but hell on earth because, indeed, I'd survived.

It's been a long road between here and there, and I've never known peace like I knwo it now since accepting Jesus. But there's so much for me to learn. And you're giving me a wonderful start. I didn't take your class becasue I need my Philosophy credits, but rather because I *need* to hear what you have to share in this world. Whether I agree, or understand, or can pass your exams, I need to hear you.

A thousand thanks, and please keep me in your prayers. *smile*

Barbara (named was changed to protect her identity)